Some on Sophia

Leave a comment

A week or two ago, I had another profound thought about religion, spirituality, and mysticism, which is this: while I can verify that certain maps of Theravada Buddhism matches my own experience, I’m also aware that various kinds of other doctrine within the Theravada tradition are outside of my interest or cultural background.

And the only Reality to which I can attest, the only “Deity” or whatnot that goes beyond conjecture, that I can state is consistent and clear in my mind and in my life for the past ten years is Our Lady Sophia.

The path became so incredibly simple when I decided to direct my full attention toward Sophia. She is not unknown in other Traditions; She is called Other Names, and that’s fine.

That Sophia is a Given to me, that I KNOW through direct experience (gnosis?) that She Is, begins the theological quest and framework for me.

I can therefore reason out that Christ, or the Logos, is the Masculine/Active Expression of Sophia, and that they’re BOTH expressions of a Yet Further Absolute Reality.

I’ve been praying lately, to Sophia, and blessing my home, in the Name of Sophia, and I feel better and more myself than I have in AGES.

So now I have to carry this to the end and unite with the Absolute.

Steve

Advertisements

Phases

Leave a comment

Spirituality, mysticism, the spiral path, whatever you might call it, well…certainly at this point I’m aware I was misled in childhood to think that religion was somehow static.

No, indeed, it is dynamic and fluid, ever changing and morphing and bringing me to greater and greater insight, plunging me deeper as I move through phases again and again.

Which is to say, I’m moving out of the “Pagan” phase and into a Christian phase again.

What am I trying to learn? What am I being taught? I wish I had more insight. I wish I could sit and meditate, but I can’t. My mind is focused and tied up to so much else.

But life is sweet currently, lovely in a way that perhaps only Spring can bring. Maybe it’s the season, or maybe it’s something else.

I want to know.

Steve

And Now, Fullness

Leave a comment

In December, I had the most powerful experiences of Emptiness, and yet…yesterday, I had the totally opposite experience, the experience of an unending FULLNESS of Reality, pushing through and bursting forth with meaningfulness.

The FULLNESS of Reality appeared to me in a more feminine form, and I’m inclined to refer to It as a Goddess, and specifically, the Goddess Aphrodite. This is surprising to me as I’ve had an affinity for Aphrodite previously, but she didn’t seem to necessarily appear directly in my life.

My husband and I went out for a Valentine’s Day date one day late, and we stood by the ocean as the sun set prior to attending a local play. This is where I most strongly felt the power, the absolute FULLNESS and knowing that things will be well, that all is good, that even in the most terrifying moments, Reality isn’t totally horrifying.

I have no idea what’s going on. My Buddhist phase got knocked out- as I predicted it would. It’s not that I’ve rejected Buddhism; far from it, as it seems to guide me and underlie a great deal of my experiences and thoughts. But…just wow.

Worthy to note is that I’ve returned to doing the Tarot Meditations from Stephan Hoeller’s book- this time, however, I’m doing the meditations for two weeks at a time, so that’ll take up most of the year. The goal isn’t to rush through but to sincerely absorb and psychically “build” the paths in the Tree of Life.

Let’s see what happens, shall we?

Steve

Suddenly…

Leave a comment

Another one of “those” experiences is happening as I write this. What does it mean? I’m not entirely sure.

This time, I had a sudden insight into the “now” in a way that I’ve never had before. Suddenly all the talk about senses and sensory input and all that by-passing emotional circuitry makes sense.

This isn’t about forcing myself to my senses- it’s about accepting WHAT IS.

While reading questions about the origin of the universe according to Buddhism, it just suddenly happened- there was a weird sense of, “Why do I concern myself about what happens after death?”

Maybe my fear of death will never go away, but if “die before I die,” perhaps it will.

I do kind of have a song playing in my head (an ear worm, as they call it), but that’s okay. No worries here. It can play all it wants; no reason to get caught up in it.

There are so many more things to unlock, so much greater of an adventure to go on. Going with Buddhism has been the best decision I’ve made in so long.

This gives me the confidence that yes, one day I will attain Nirvana. This is no longer some kind of abstraction but a real, lived experience I’m going through.

God help the people who might one day become my students because on the other hand, I have no idea what I’m doing. HA!

Steve

Finally, Freakin’ Vibrations

Leave a comment

Without having the particular experience of something, the explanations in Buddhism can seem kind of obtuse.

Even though the Noting Meditation seems bizarre to me, I’ve still been doing it because, well, it’s a good idea to give it a go.

So tonight, I was doing Concentration Meditation instead, and I got into what was probably the 3rd Jhana. I’m reluctant to claim 4th Jhana at this point because my visualizations don’t really come to a vivid, stable image, and that’s supposed to be a 4th Jhana characteristic, but it may also have to be built up.

Anyway, I didn’t exactly switch to Insight Meditation, but suddenly, I stopped trying so hard, and I started experiencing vibrations.

The vibrations aren’t terribly strong, and in some ways, they aren’t what I expected- it was more a sense of what it’s like to be in the ocean, with the waves rising and falling and be moved around by the current of the water. That’s what the experience was like, and it continued, though the currents weren’t from any one particular direction, and they were CONSTANTLY changing. So, impermanence was definitely something I experienced, but impermanence seems to be something I live through in daily life anyway.

So, yeah, I’m sticking with this Buddhist meditation thing because it’s for real.

Steve

Crash, perhaps?

Leave a comment

I dunno if I crashed into the Dark Night or what happened, but at some point in time yesterday, I ended up exhausted. Almost two weeks of being able to access the awareness of the Buddha Nature/kundalini energy/whatever the heck it was, and here we are.

Earlier, it was more difficult to turn again to the Buddha Nature and such; and it’s possible I’ve entered a Dark Night, but it’s largely difficult to tell because again, I have no clue what’s going on with Vipassana.

I’m trying the Nothing Technique. I really am. But perhaps I don’t understand the theory or something; I can seem to just pay attention to my senses instead, and that seems to be easier. Noting seems like it causes me to think in the middle of meditation, and I’ve also learned the technique in question is a relatively new one, only developed in the last 100 years or so.

So…yeah. I’m still giving it a fair shot, though, to see if it works, to see if it can get me to a deeper level of reality where I can feel through the vibrations and such.

At moments, when I focus now, my mind can find a great deal of silence.

What’s happened?

But through it all, I’ll sit through it and try to be okay with it and just accept what happens.

Steve

 

 

Just Now

Leave a comment

Being somewhat at the end of this particular experience, it’s still “fresh,” as it were.

I was looking up information the instrument used in Tibetan Buddhism known as the “vajra.”

Outside, I suddenly heard wind chimes, and then…I remembered something. But what I remembered is impossible to describe, except that suddenly the mind was still- the mind stopped, no thinking, no song in the back of my head, and the front of my head felt kind of numb and then RELIEVED.

So, this seemed like the exact opportunity to investigate the Three Characteristics of Reality (impermanence, suffering, no self), and I went for it. To the shock and awe in many ways, I had this sudden realization that these things, in a way, are what give reality meaning. The lack of self is what allows for the Buddha Nature to endow things with meaning- it’s all garbled sounding at this point, but I could see directly into this, especially with situations in my past.

In the moment, staying here, it was more difficult, but I did experience phenomena “just where they are” as Daniel Ingram says, and a sense of separation between me and everything else was gone (even though I didn’t just MERGE into all things and disappear).

So…wow.

More signs that I’m on the correct path, perhaps?

Steve

Older Entries