Within the course of the past several hours, let’s say around the past 16 or so, an increasingly horrific realization came upon me.

The first is that I had a genuine sense of the Grace of God descending yesterday, and I spoke to my friend Drew about it. He seemed unclear about what I meant by the “Grace of God” initially, but when I began to explain it with greater detail and point out that it’s largely a sense of peace and relaxation in the body coupled with a great sense of “good vibes” coming down from somewhere else, he understood what I was talking about.

The experience of the Grace of God is not something we ourselves induce; rather, it comes to us, which is the nature of Grace. This is the aspect of spirituality that’s sometimes hard to understand- we can only go so far by our own efforts, and let’s face it, to an American, that’s horrifying. It’s horrifying to imagine that God will determine for us at any point in time if we go any further down the path to enlightenment.

Perhaps not every system uses the Grace of God in this way, but there seem to be references of these things ultimately just “happening.” We can take the initiative and get the ball rolling, but we can’t complete the journey alone.

But then last night, a new aspect of the experience dawned. In the moments when the Grace of God descends, something else entirely is absent, something I had not realized before- the sex drive.

The more I contemplated it, the more I observed, the more I realized exactly to what degree our sex drives cause problems for us. Though the old saying that men think about sex every so many seconds is by no means true, a huge number of our motivations come down to being about sexuality, even in the sublimated forms of relationships and romance.

Think about it- how much do we do to make ourselves look good…specifically, to be sexually attractive….for other people? How much do we work on our personalities so that we’ll be a good catch for someone else? People can say that they do those things just for themselves, but let’s face it, the whole “let’s be happy with ourselves k thx bai” is actually a response to the need for a relationship, which largely, in our world of whores and instant pornographic gratification, becomes unavailable to us.

I am not suggesting for a minute that one cannot be whole and complete and happy one’s self. This is entirely possible, sure, but the caliber of person to whom these Oprah-like platitudes are catering tend to be the ones who are far away from actually getting to that point.

Moreover, so long as the sex drive exists, there will always be a sense of separation, a sense of loneliness, a sense of “needing” someone or something else.

As to whether or not one will experience the same thing in the absence of the sex drive, I cannot say. I cannot say that the need for companionship or intimacy is all completely abolished at this point, as it may not be, but I can say that the overwhelming degree of peace and goodness that one encounters in its absence is by far superior to the emotional entanglements and dances that we do for sexual and romantic encounters.

Some might accuse me of simply being obsessed with sexuality, and to this I answer that I am only diving into the topic to question it, face it, analyze it. In the absence of the sex drive, one can see the number of things that, under typical circumstances, would cause one to think about or notice something sexual.

To some for whom sexuality is their main pleasure in life, the idea of losing the sex drive is likely a frightening notion, and I am understanding of that. The peace, I have found, is superior.

The question now is how to rid one’s self of the sexuality?

The sex drive also seems intimately tied to the ego and to Self. The quiet and peaceful world that appears in its absence is much more appealing. So my question is: if the sex drive were to disappear, and I don’t mean “recede,” I mean to actually be abolished from the human being, what would happen? What would it be like? How would we live our lives? Anxiety and aggression seem tied into sexuality, too, and I know for sure that in the moments of peace I’m far less aggressive and anxious.

If God were to take my sex drive, would I be completely gone, too? Let’s see what happens.

But at the same time, upon further reflection of this, the question arises as to whether or not it is the absence of the sex drive that is causing the peace, or if the reverse holds true- that is, if the peace comes first and causes the sex drive to go into a virtual non-existence, however temporarily.

This is always something to consider, always something to remember, and always something to bear in mind. Don’t assume you’ve figured everything out, because you may indeed be missing some piece of the puzzle, or you may have the wrong explanation to describe a perfectly factual account.

This peace is well worth it. Whatever happens, it is worth it. But perhaps it works either way- the end of the sex drive creates peace, and peace creates the end of the sex drive.

Maybe here, when I say sex drive, I ultimately am referring to “desire” and “craving” in the same basic sense that Buddha meant. There’s not exactly a lot of certainty here, but if things continue, maybe there will be a more definite explanation of what’s happening.

Also, I’m going to point out that as of late, I’ve been doing a lot more meditation, typically guided meditation and chanting. Chanting is a natural method of transmuting sexual energy, so perhaps my sexual energy is being transmuted. But, so too, I have chanted in the past and not encountered this kind of Grace of God and peace, so I’m not sure if those are related to one another. I’m attempting to be open-minded and making the best attempt to be more objective about this.

Something else to point out- in no way, at any point in time, do I intend to demonize sexuality or advocate celibacy. Please; this is the 21st century, we can move past that mindset and into a greater one of wholeness. But there is something to be said for expressing sexuality in a manner that is beyond mere ego-gratification. For me, sexuality with a companion has been more about a communication, a sharing with that other person, a bonding with them, and not about just feeling good and getting off. That kind of sexuality won’t necessarily cause you to feel irritated, but mere self-gratification will almost necessarily lead to it.

This blog has been rather lengthy, but I hope it’s worked to elucidate people about the nature of sexuality and peacefulness in the mind-body.

Beaux

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