Here we are again, where I stare at my heart chakra during meditation, only to see exactly how much it’s blocked. This is a reference to the Anahata, not the Hrit chakra, for those of you who may be interested.

My heart chakra has been blocked for years, it seems, only to open in small moments with certain people, and then…the heart break happens, my heart shuts down, and here I am again.
Yes, here I am again.
The alternate explanation is that the chakra is not blocked and that somehow this is a reference to God’s Presence in my heart, that this is HIM, purging me, purifying me.
But no, I cannot say that is the case. I can tell that the chakra is blocked, and it hurts. It hurts a lot. My back hurts, the same place where it’s always hurt, and my shoulders constantly are geared towards tensing up.
What a bad Sufi, one might say- to find someone whose heart chakra is blocked and dark and not functioning! But I must endure, as I really have no other options. Perhaps this is only another aspect of the spiral path as I spiral higher and higher, deeper into the spiritual realms.
A blocked heart chakra isn’t fun. I’ll go ahead and tell you that. Especially is the case of not being fun when one knows what it feels like to have the heart chakra open, and when one encounters the blocked version of it. Where is the joy, the meaning, the PEACE from the Grace of God? Why am I left feeling so utterly drained and exhausted? This is a terrible situation compared to how wonderful I felt just yesterday and the day before that, and even last Friday.
What’s going on here? That’s what I would really like to know. I hope that one day I’ll be enlightened to exactly what’s going on in this case, and of course, this could all be some kind of purgation process that’s a reference to the unconscious changes that are taking place. Maybe my conscious ego-mind has no business knowing the reality of what’s happening.
Sometimes I worry that my heart chakra will open and that I’ll feel pain, and the my heart will beat so hard with love that I’ll die, but that’s fine. I would rather die in one ecstatic moment of feeling love than to live an entire meaningless life trapped in lies, betrayals, and emptiness.
God, help me. Help us all, at that.