I’ve been sick to my stomach since last night. Perhaps I ate something bad, but while on the Deck, we did a lot internal psychological work on me. The explanations that Kelly and Michael gave me about the recent happening in my life made more sense than I would have liked for them to, and more to the point, they “resonated” with me enough that I think they’re on to something.

Then today, I ended up vomiting terribly, so hard, in fact, that I was afraid my heart my stomach. I begged God to keep me alive in that moment and to not let me die- that’s how terrifying the whole situation was.

Even though this happened in my stomach, I can’t help but feel that the pain in my chest was my heart chakra being purified, at least in part.

The sickness distanced me from my social identity. One point tonight saw me encounter my heart chakra expanding larger than the universe, and it was just a brief, awesome second that blew my mind. Then an hour later, I’m throwing up. Talk about a divine balancing act.

I’m so tired. I wish I could sleep, but my body won’t let me. Today I forsook much of what I should have been doing in my “daily list” of things that fill my life. I just don’t have the necessary stamina, so I’ve taken it easy and been sick and tried to stay in a good mood.

True, my mood is fairly good, despite the illness of my body. I’m seeing a running of two different layers of my person now- a superficial sort of layer and a deeper, more energetic layer. The energetic layer is what determines one’s mood and world view and such. More on this when I can observe it better.

Beaux


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