Sexuality and Spirituality, a Terrifying Truth

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Within the course of the past several hours, let’s say around the past 16 or so, an increasingly horrific realization came upon me.

The first is that I had a genuine sense of the Grace of God descending yesterday, and I spoke to my friend Drew about it. He seemed unclear about what I meant by the “Grace of God” initially, but when I began to explain it with greater detail and point out that it’s largely a sense of peace and relaxation in the body coupled with a great sense of “good vibes” coming down from somewhere else, he understood what I was talking about.

The experience of the Grace of God is not something we ourselves induce; rather, it comes to us, which is the nature of Grace. This is the aspect of spirituality that’s sometimes hard to understand- we can only go so far by our own efforts, and let’s face it, to an American, that’s horrifying. It’s horrifying to imagine that God will determine for us at any point in time if we go any further down the path to enlightenment.

Perhaps not every system uses the Grace of God in this way, but there seem to be references of these things ultimately just “happening.” We can take the initiative and get the ball rolling, but we can’t complete the journey alone.

But then last night, a new aspect of the experience dawned. In the moments when the Grace of God descends, something else entirely is absent, something I had not realized before- the sex drive.

The more I contemplated it, the more I observed, the more I realized exactly to what degree our sex drives cause problems for us. Though the old saying that men think about sex every so many seconds is by no means true, a huge number of our motivations come down to being about sexuality, even in the sublimated forms of relationships and romance.

Think about it- how much do we do to make ourselves look good…specifically, to be sexually attractive….for other people? How much do we work on our personalities so that we’ll be a good catch for someone else? People can say that they do those things just for themselves, but let’s face it, the whole “let’s be happy with ourselves k thx bai” is actually a response to the need for a relationship, which largely, in our world of whores and instant pornographic gratification, becomes unavailable to us.

I am not suggesting for a minute that one cannot be whole and complete and happy one’s self. This is entirely possible, sure, but the caliber of person to whom these Oprah-like platitudes are catering tend to be the ones who are far away from actually getting to that point.

Moreover, so long as the sex drive exists, there will always be a sense of separation, a sense of loneliness, a sense of “needing” someone or something else.

As to whether or not one will experience the same thing in the absence of the sex drive, I cannot say. I cannot say that the need for companionship or intimacy is all completely abolished at this point, as it may not be, but I can say that the overwhelming degree of peace and goodness that one encounters in its absence is by far superior to the emotional entanglements and dances that we do for sexual and romantic encounters.

Some might accuse me of simply being obsessed with sexuality, and to this I answer that I am only diving into the topic to question it, face it, analyze it. In the absence of the sex drive, one can see the number of things that, under typical circumstances, would cause one to think about or notice something sexual.

To some for whom sexuality is their main pleasure in life, the idea of losing the sex drive is likely a frightening notion, and I am understanding of that. The peace, I have found, is superior.

The question now is how to rid one’s self of the sexuality?

The sex drive also seems intimately tied to the ego and to Self. The quiet and peaceful world that appears in its absence is much more appealing. So my question is: if the sex drive were to disappear, and I don’t mean “recede,” I mean to actually be abolished from the human being, what would happen? What would it be like? How would we live our lives? Anxiety and aggression seem tied into sexuality, too, and I know for sure that in the moments of peace I’m far less aggressive and anxious.

If God were to take my sex drive, would I be completely gone, too? Let’s see what happens.

But at the same time, upon further reflection of this, the question arises as to whether or not it is the absence of the sex drive that is causing the peace, or if the reverse holds true- that is, if the peace comes first and causes the sex drive to go into a virtual non-existence, however temporarily.

This is always something to consider, always something to remember, and always something to bear in mind. Don’t assume you’ve figured everything out, because you may indeed be missing some piece of the puzzle, or you may have the wrong explanation to describe a perfectly factual account.

This peace is well worth it. Whatever happens, it is worth it. But perhaps it works either way- the end of the sex drive creates peace, and peace creates the end of the sex drive.

Maybe here, when I say sex drive, I ultimately am referring to “desire” and “craving” in the same basic sense that Buddha meant. There’s not exactly a lot of certainty here, but if things continue, maybe there will be a more definite explanation of what’s happening.

Also, I’m going to point out that as of late, I’ve been doing a lot more meditation, typically guided meditation and chanting. Chanting is a natural method of transmuting sexual energy, so perhaps my sexual energy is being transmuted. But, so too, I have chanted in the past and not encountered this kind of Grace of God and peace, so I’m not sure if those are related to one another. I’m attempting to be open-minded and making the best attempt to be more objective about this.

Something else to point out- in no way, at any point in time, do I intend to demonize sexuality or advocate celibacy. Please; this is the 21st century, we can move past that mindset and into a greater one of wholeness. But there is something to be said for expressing sexuality in a manner that is beyond mere ego-gratification. For me, sexuality with a companion has been more about a communication, a sharing with that other person, a bonding with them, and not about just feeling good and getting off. That kind of sexuality won’t necessarily cause you to feel irritated, but mere self-gratification will almost necessarily lead to it.

This blog has been rather lengthy, but I hope it’s worked to elucidate people about the nature of sexuality and peacefulness in the mind-body.

Beaux

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Odd Chakra

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I’m encountering and experiencing a chakra that’s located between the Solar Plexus and the Heart Chakra. Upon doing some research, I discovered this is known as the Hrit chakra. I’ll have to do more research to really understand it, but perhaps this is the so-called “hidden heart chakra” of which I’ve heard.

Well, it seems that the mind continually must expand to accommodate higher and higher levels of consciousness. Perhaps the assumption that one has made it to the highest level of consciousness is always an illusion; is there never an end to the journey?

We’ll see.

Beaux


Root Chakra Meditation

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A key thing to always remember in any kind of spirituality is practice, practice, practice. Don’t worry about the dogma, don’t worry about the theoretical framework- just do the practice, and see what happens in accordance with the actions.


Mystical Chakra Bootcamp Experiment: Here We GO!

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As I sit here consuming the spaghetti with meatless meatballs and Alfredo sauce from last night’s dinner, I’ll share with you a particular experiment with which I’m going to indulge.

Some of you know that I’ve had a number of problems with my chakras lately, especially my root and sacral chakras. My friend Kelly said that simply clearing out the energy would do a lot for them, and considering my propensity to stay a bit too cerebral with all things, this made sense.

So I found great meditations on Youtube.

I do much better with a guided meditation, with someone telling me what to do, than I do trying to still my own mind. It just doesn’t work well.

Anyway.

The experiment:

As there are seven chakras, and as there are seven days in a week, I’m going to make it a point to do each 10-minute meditation once a day for a week.

That means I will spend seven weeks working on my chakras.

I’m already in three days at this point.

Next, on the eighth week, I’ll indulge in a kind of preparatory week, in which I will do a different chakra each day.

Week nine will be the true boot camp, whereby I will set aside time to do every chakra, back to back.

Week ten will see a return to doing a different chakra each day, depending on what my results are.

So, here on Craving Aletheia, I’ll document and explain what my experiences are, what changes I’ve seen in my life, and so on and so forth. This should be interesting and informative.

Also, I’ll share with you the different meditations that I’m doing by posting the video here, and if you want to try it, you can.

Beaux


Shallow Spirituality

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After 10 long years of being on this spiritual journey, being tossed around and never quite being sure what it is exactly that I want (only knowing that I want it), I realize that one of the major issues is that I don’t have time to deal with shallow spirituality.

Given, I can see that some of the shallow spirituality is beneficial- some of it can be given to others who aren’t quite as far down the rabbit hole as I, and that’s fine. This means that shallow spirituality still has a purpose.

Maybe I shouldn’t presume that I’m here or there in the journey.

The reality is that I likely have far, far more to learn that I’ve already learned, and I’m fine with that. I’m totally fine with that. But that doesn’t mean the people who haven’t been searching for 10 years are where I am, and I’m not going to sit here and try to play games with myself and those people. There’s too much work to be done, and too much too quickly will overload them.

Sometimes I really question whether God knows what he’s doing or not, based mainly on some of the things I myself endure. My life is not terrible, but for a life not so terrible, I suffer way more than I should.

Beaux


2008-like Falling Away Desolation Repeat

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This is a repeat of that situation, of that phenomenon that happened back in 2008 when all my Christianity and mystical ideals fell away.

Now that I am here, in the midst of it, I can describe it. There is a sense of meaninglessness, a sense of a void, a sense of emptiness in the universe, in myself, and in the fabric of reality. There is not even the intense longing to speak of; there is only a sense of pain, dull in the heart, though this could be longing of some form, but it is not strong at all.

I cannot tell you who I am. “Stevo” means relatively little at this point. Instead, here is a human, typing these words, and who, or perhaps what, he is is a mystery.

There is a sense of dying at some point. There is a sense of my giving into death. This isn’t frightening. On the contrary, it just seems ordinary, perfunctory, even, and so I allow it to just go ahead. So what if I die? Nothing more can happen then.

There is no sense of God. There is no sense of anything in the world other than the physical universe, and even then it is completely devoid of anything purposeful. One could try to wonder and be fascinated and intrigued by all things, but that simply isn’t a part of this experience.

There is no sense of a spiritual dimension of reality. Please understand, I am not saying that it does not exist or that it is not part of this physical world. I am not making any kind of presuppositions. I am merely typing and reporting this experience, as it happens.

There’s a distinct sensation of almost pain inside of my brain, deep inside of it, perhaps around the thalamus or hypothalamus, but I cannot be sure. It isn’t an outright pain, but there’s the threat of a pain, if you can grasp that.

The world seems devoid of purpose and meaning. I’ve already said this, but allow me to make that quite clear.

I know where I am, I know the person that I am, allegedly, but again, there is no feeling or connection to that person. Thinking of people I have loved, there is only a faint sensation of knowing who they are and that I loved them. Thus, there is a feeling-sensation, but the actual feeling seems distant, though I cannot say I have consciously or willfully “detached” myself from the feeling; instead, the feeling seems to not be able to fully and completely appear in the first place.

Perhaps this is the so-called “veil” of God. I can imagine that this nothingness may be. There is only a faint sense of desolation here, but that is the most salient characteristic emotionally speaking.

My head hurts. The pain is there, but I’m not suffering from it. That can explain things, in a way.

I’ll end this now.

-b.x.


Synchronicities Abound! or Strange Coincidences Seemingly Constituting Support for the Jungian Acausal Connecting Principle

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BEAUX’S NOTE: I, Beaux/Stevo, did not write this. Rather, my friend John wrote this, tagged me in the Note, and I found it powerful, beautiful, and compelling. I asked for his permission to repost it, so here it is. For the very reason of making sure that everyone understands that John wrote this and not I, I’m writing this extremely vivid and ugly preface so that everyone knows.

That being said, the formatting was a bitch to try to actually put on here, so I apologize to John if this repost’s formatting appears botched or off at all.



Synchronicity 1: Langdon.

  1. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Alan Gribben, the Mark Twain scholar who became the center of an international controversy by announcing his new combined edition of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which replaces the n-word with “slave” (and “Injun” with “Indian”), for an article in the Aumnibus, AUM’s student newspaper. In researching Mark Twain to prepare my questions, I naturally learned that the maiden name of Twain’s wife Olivia was Langdon.
  2. Less than a week after interviewing Dr. Gribben, I received an email by complete accident from the Citizens Scholarship Foundation of the Fall Mountain Regional School District. The email read (in part), “I have used the emails that are listed on our rosters. If you notice any errors, please let me know.” I have no idea how my email address ended up on their rosters. I looked up the Fall Mountain Regional School District and it is located in Langdon, New Hampshire.

Synchronicity 2: Ph.D.

  1. Will Ellis asked me to identify the graduate school from which I hope to earn my Ph.D. While I told him about some of the universities that I already had in mind, his query also inspired me to look for other schools. In this way I discovered the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology.
  2. I was reading “Terence McKenna’s Last Trip,” an article about the last series of interviews to which he agreed before passing away. According to the article, McKenna would sometimes treat “the Net like a crystal ball, entering strange phrases into Google’s search field just to see what comes up.” This inspired me to do the same thing. I used a true random number generator to generate seven random integers ranging inclusively from 0 to 26. Each number corresponded to a letter. 0 = space, 1 = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, and so on. I do not exactly remember the seven-letter “word” that resulted from this process, but the first letter was “I” and the last three letters were “P,” “H,” and “D.” I entered this into Google and the search results included mostly websites for the Ph.D. programs of universities whose names begin with the letter “I.”

Synchronicity 3: Technopaganism.

  1. I was reading the Wikipedia article on technopaganism, which “focuses on the spiritual side of technology… One belief… is that the Internet itself is attaining a unique spirit.”
  2. While I was researching McKenna, I had come across the following quote of his: “Organized religion is as concerned with controlling social groups as organized politics is.” I had subsequently posted this as a status update. This apparently inspired Stevo Harris to make the following status update: “Chaunce Woodmansee, John Gibbs Tisdale II, behold, each other. Just trust me on this one, despite how huge of a request that is to ask of either of you.” Then, as I was reading the previously mentioned article on technopaganism, Stevo, in a comment on his status update, said: “You guys are on the same wavelength. This is what Facebook is for, people like you and John meeting and conversing and exchanging. This is it – this is what this whole social networking thing is about, so we’re living its purpose. Oh, yeah, baby, I just took Facebook THERE.” Like me, Chaunce is a self-described mystic, a psychology student, and a fan of Carl Jung (who developed the concept of synchronicities).

Synchronicity 4: Time-space art as a sleep aid.

  1. At the end of the night (4 or 5 AM) on which the preceding two synchronicities occurred (which is also the night during which I received the email mentioned in the first synchronicity), I had so much energy pulsing through me that the prospect of sleep seemed unthinkable. I had been sitting in front of my laptop, “devouring sites, weeding through lists, exploring virtual worlds,” as McKenna once did, for hours, so I turned it off and began pacing around my room. My mind still wanted to be working with information, but my eyes were tired of staring at a screen. So I sat down and did something quite archaic: I began writing with pen and paper. But I was in no “normal” mood, not even by my own eccentric standards. I didn’t write in straight lines but rather in a spiral around the paper; thus, it was more of an artistic writing than a scholarly writing. Here is what I wrote (some familiarity with philosophy is required if it is to make any sense): “A stream of consciousness more powerful than the Mighty Mississippi courses through my veins. Animal spirits? Preposterous! Cogito, ergo sum? Nonsense! Prime indubitable? More like a composite fallacy! A terrible philosophical blunder. Who could be proud of being labeled the father of modern philosophie? Non, Descartes, il est la morte de la philosophie! Mai moi, je will be the mother of postmodern thought. Nay, not the mother, for the other end of the spectrum is not radical enough; the spectrum itself must be completely transcended! Mother and father, ha! Sexuaity, ha! Reproduction, ha! The union of opposites is unnecessary. There are no opposites! There is only One! Even the growth of plants does not do it justice. Mothers, fathers, pistils, stemens, all things of the archaic past! Such concepts are so last nanosecond. I am not the mother of postmodernism, I AM postmodernism! And not postmodern ‘thought,’ either, for I am the transcendence of thought! I am the transcendence of all that is, was, or ever will be. Not that there ever ‘will be’ anything ever again. It’s over. The end is beyond nigh. It’s to the point that ‘end,’ ‘beginning,’ ‘nigh,’ ‘far’ are no more! Time is dead. It’s to the point that there is no point! For what is a point if it does not exist in time and space? Awaken from the dream of reality. We are lucid.” After writing this I was able to fall asleep.
  2. The next day, Jill Harrell started chatting with me on Facebook. This was the first time that we ever directly communicated with each other. She had added me as a friend just days prior. She informed that on the previous night, she was unable to sleep because she was thinking so much about the time-space continuum. So she began doing some fingerpainting, and then she was able to fall asleep. Interestingly, we each had our artistic time-space sleeping aid experience at about the same time.

Synchronicity 5: Aldous Huxley.

  1. Another friend of Stevo’s, Marco Slate, sent me a message. Up until this point Marco and I were completely unacquainted with each other; I had never even heard of him. He asked me, “Do you care for Aldous Huxley?” I responded, “Yes I do. I had myself a little vow of silence after looking through The Perennial Philosophy.”
  2. Later that day, Fae Frederick posted the following Franz Kafka quote on my wall: “You don’t even need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Don’t even listen, simply wait. Don’t even wait. Be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you. To be unmasked, it has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” In a comment, I responded, “What a synchronicity! I just had someone I’ve never met ask me if I’m fond of the work of Aldous Huxley. I was telling them that I once took a vow of silence after reading the chapter on silence in his book The Perennial Philosophy. He cites that Kafka quote, which is what inspired me to do it.”

Synchronicity 6: The biological psychiatry controversy.

  1. I was working on a presentation that I will be delivering to the psychology club on the biological psychiatry controversy, which is essentially the debate about whether or not the human mind is completely reducible to neurochemical processes in the brain. A big part of this debate is the overuse of psychopharmaceuticals such as antidepressants.
  2. While I was working on my presentation, Emily Martin posted happy birthday wishes on my wall (it was just past midnight, so technically it was my birthday). This led me to look at her profile to see what she’s been up to (I haven’t really talked to her in a while), and I discovered that she is majoring in biopsychology. Also while I was working on the presentation, a friend started chatting with me. He was struggling with some existential issues and, through no provocation on my part, he revealed (to my horror) that he is taking psychopharmaceuticals. I told him that such an approach is merely a quick fix and urged him to ween himself off, to find a more holisitc way of dealing with his problems. He agreed with me but ultimately stated that because of the practicality of the quick fix, taking the drugs is worth the risk in his opinion.

Synchronicity 7: My birthday.

  1. Today is my birthday. My family has a tradition: when it’s one of our birthdays, we all go out to eat.
  2. The universe gave me an amazing birthday present: the grand opening of Earth Fare, Montgomery’s first truly health-conscious grocery store. Anyone who knows my über-hardcore-health-conscious-raw-organic-gluten-free-vegan ways will understand what an amazing synchronicity this is. Rather than going out to eat, we are having an organic vegan meal at home.

I am utterly grateful for the bizarre coincidences that have been connecting me with other people. I am starting to become less reclusive as the world is becoming increasingly interconnected. I am sure that the synchronicities will only keep getting more and more meaningful as we continue to near the singularity.


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