Sometimes, the degree to which I’ve been right about reality all along seems to sicken me. Naturally the charges of arrogance fly out at me at this point in time, and of course, I try to fight against what I already know on many levels. Let’s just jump in and go with it, then, shall we?

The Svadisthana chakra, the second chakra up, in other words, is where most of our problems in life are. Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee says that most of humanity lives collectively at the level of the third chakra, but I would add to this that’s only barely that anyone lives there. If someone as self-aware as I has the sheer number of problems with his lower chakras, it’s likely that most others do as well.

Trying to do the Sufi meditation of the heart has been ridiculously difficult for the past I don’t know how long. My heart chakra would barely open, I could barely feel love, I could sometimes (gratefully!) feel a twinge of longing, but there was a kind of pain that kept me from really feeling. Many would try to argue that this stemmed from a blocked heart chakra, and so I thought as well, but now I see that the whole time it’s been the blockages in my lower chakras that’s been causing the problems.

A few Sundays ago, I was driving to see my friends in Headland. I came into Dothan and felt social anxiety just driving around the other people, and the fear was without a doubt beginning from the second chakra. This gave me the key that I needed to progress somewhat.

Suffice it to say, that before I can put love in my heart, I’ll have to free up the energy and clear out the blockages that exist in the second chakra. Maybe the heart chakra can help, I’m not sure.

The truth is, though, that cleaning out the lower chakras is also part of Sufism but put into a different terminology: this is the Shadow work, which is the first part of the journey. Dealing with the basic instinctual nature, clearing out the subconscious misunderstandings, accepting the Shadow tendencies. This all comes before the raging, burning, furious Love for God.

I happened upon some articles and a healer in a moment of synchronicity that supported the idea of the issues being in the Svadisthana chakra. Everything became increasingly clear.

Also, I happened upon an article that spoke of how the parts of the brain dealing with meaning and thought are not directly wired to the parts of the brain dealing with emotional memory, and this clued me into why therapy did little for my social anxiety: I was right the whole time (again) that feelings, not thoughts, were the issue, despite how my therapist insisted that I was thinking the wrong thoughts and somehow misunderstanding the situation which is what caused the anxiety.

But that’s just not how it works, and now I know diving into a nameless emotional realm is the only solution to the problem.

So I’ve been feeling my emotions, searching without words in the basic energy patterns, trying to find what’s causing the blockages and problems in my lower chakras. I’ve even take up some of the hatha yoga practices I used to do once more, and they feel wonderful; the asanas don’t make me sore the next day.

Going through and dealing with the energy in the Svadisthana chakra has done a few things. First, it’s unleashed my power and creativity- I’ve written profusely and started doing art again and am just driven as an artist. Second, my sexuality- the basic instinctual kind “high” that comes when being turned on- has largely dwindled and come under control to where it doesn’t control me or compel me in situations that are unhealthy. In this case, it doesn’t feel like I’m resisting or fighting it- rather, the energy simply just isn’t there to begin with. Likely a lot of the sexual energy was really trapped emotional energy bouncing around and going haywire in the lower chakras.

Lastly, dealing with the energy in the lower chakras creates a peace in the body. The body feels practically weightless, and a few times I would move my legs and almost fall because of how quickly they moved; I wasn’t accustomed to that kind of lightness.

Maybe my body will also shed some of the weight on it- now, given, my body isn’t exactly overweight to begin with, but some areas have been hard to tone, and I’m a big believer in the mind-body connection and that the body carries weight and ailments in it when the psychological energy isn’t processed correctly. I’ve seen this for myself way too many times to discredit it.

Just an update.

Where God is in the midst of this all, I have no idea. Sometimes He’s near, sometimes He doesn’t seem to exist.

Beaux


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