This morning, sometime after 4 AM, I had the single most terrifying mystical experience I’ve ever had, something I’ve never encountered for this prolonged period of time before, something that is inexplicable and that I haven’t encountered in the literature or documentation.

Something disappeared- perhaps we could say the ego, maybe we could even say the Self, though I will be the first to say that I still had a sense of emotions, so my thoughts were that the Self still existed somewhere. But something definitely ended, at least temporarily, and this was terrifying.

The boundaries between myself and the rest of reality became unclear; I may as well have been the room observing the body of Stevo walk around. Now, I want to point out, there wasn’t a sense of having been projected “out” of my body- that’s not what I mean, so don’t offer an explanation of astral projection. What I mean is that I could have been the pillow my head was on or the ceiling fan for all it mattered- the distinction, the boundary, was completely gone.

My main concern was that my body might die this way, that something might happen, and that I might be unable to survive. But I turned to God, and I said that in life and in death, I belong to Him, because that’s what mattered. Even if I were to die, I would die belonging to God.

The experience was terrifying because I had no idea where it came from- it just suddenly was as I got up to go to the bathroom, and I was astonished, or something was astonished, at what was going on.

Needless to say, this makes the mystery of what a human being is exactly even more profound, because we’re certainly more than we appear to be.

Eventually, the ego returned, and I finally went to sleep. But during the time that it was gone, I can’t totally remember what happened or what I did, except for being in bed and watching this no-ego state go on. Quite strange, if you ask me, to not know the difference between me and the bed and the room around me.

Beaux


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