Several thoughts, none of which are necessarily connected.

Spiritually, there isn’t a great deal to update at this point. I’ve gone through the same spirals, sometimes having a deeper world, sometimes having a more shallow one, always having to question myself about why I feel a certain way in a given situation.

I should also note something else about emotions. As I understand it, psychology gives that the two components of an emotional experience are the physiological arousal and the cognitive component; one is the body moving, one is the mind.

At work the other day, as I was taking inventory, a customer came in, and of course, he came close to me, and I felt anxiety, but it was more of the cognitive component and not physical movement in my body. The thoughts were there, and they were very real and torturous; make no mistake, thoughts can create pain in us as easily as feelings.

When I cannot send love to someone of my own accord, the best thing, I think, is to allow Christ to love someone through me. That actually makes more sense; to allow Christ to love others, even if we as ego-personalities cannot.

When will the ego fall away? Will it fall away? Many mystics seem to think so and say as much. I’m terrified at the prospect both of losing my ego and of not losing my ego.

At the end of the day, the best thing is to repeat the name of Jesus again and again, no matter what situation comes about, and to pray for the absolute Nirvana of all beings in all places in all times. Absolute Nirvana for all consciousness everywhere in the cosmos is the goal.

The Bodhisattva vow seems like a cop-out to me; delaying Nirvana until all beings are in Nirvana? That’s not going to help them. The best thing is to attain Nirvana and help beings from Nirvana, in my opinion. One’s own liberation will create the gateway of the liberation for others.

Of course, others suggest that the Bodhisattva vow actually means that humanity and all sentient beings must attain Nirvana together, or it isn’t really Nirvana. I can understand this better; it is only after every spirit has been brought to the Absolute that we have completed anything.

People are keen on keeping their illusions. Shadow work is not a game. When confronted with the dark level of reality, many people become disturbed. The scriptures mention that Satan is the “god of this world” at one point. If we take Satan to be the Shadow in the Jungian sense, this is absolutely the case, as most people are controlled by their Shadows.


I find it interesting that some people seem to think that simply acknowledging they have a dark side is synonymous with integrating it; it isn’t the same thing, and just sending your dark side love in a detached sense is not going to transform it.


But I also find it interesting that people seem to be under the impression that anyone who works on their dark side, embraces it, integrates, and so on, is necessarily giving into it and becoming dominated by it. The opposite is true; the people who fail to integrate their Shadow, unless given a special and unique grace by God, are damned to serve it for the whole of their lives, albeit unconsciously. The sense of incompletion in life most likely stems from the lack of integrating one’s whole and true self.

Self-acceptance is part of the path. But self-acceptance doesn’t just mean accepting our good parts; it means accepting all of us, good and bad, warts and all. Most self-acceptance ideas seem to center around bolstering one’s self-esteem without bringing to light one’s flaws that might be a key to the sense of completion we seek.

Most of us are not enlightened, nor are we gurus, nor are we teachers and so forth. Therefore, our Shadow continues to exist, and the best thing to do is channel it, own it, work with it. Perhaps one day the Shadow will completely dissolve, and we will be free from its burden; until then, we cannot risk hurting ourselves or someone else with it, and so it must channeled for good in so far as is humanly possible. I hate putting the qualifier there, but that’s the reality of it.

Just some thoughts.