I have now received Christ in the Holy Eucharist six times at the same parish. This, perhaps, may not be anything remarkable to anyone else; however, to me, it is something that I’ve wanted to do for years and am now actually doing.

 

Whether joining the Episcopal Church is a matter of trying to create an identity and whether or not the identity I am gaining in Christ is real is all up for debate, I suppose; one thing can be said, I do feel more complete than I have in quite some time, and that, in and of itself, seems to be a step in the right direction.

 

Another interesting thing is to hear an interview with Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee talking about how the mystical truths in early Christianity largely were suppressed, thus being taken over by the Muslim world- hence, Sufism.

 

At the same time, reading Paths to the Heart, a book exploring the relationship between Eastern Orthodox Christianity’s mysticism and Sufism heavily supports Llewellyn’s position on this matter. So, then, it is no wonder that I was tossed between the opposites of Catholic ritual and Sufi mysticism; they belong together and are not at war. The sense of Longing for God, of Loving God, of finding God both transcendent and immanent, is all together united.

 

At any rate, Christ has given me a new confidence in Him that I need, and it’s so strange to look back through my life to see those moments of Black Fire blazing, only to realize that Christ IS the Black Fire; my awareness of the Black Fire, then, was my becoming more mature in Christ by accepting who I am in Him and not who I am in the blasphemous idol that was created by the local churches of Christ.

 

To accept myself is to accept Christ’s work in me; it is to accept that God has a special place for me and a special plan for me in this world, and that I must live out what God has intended for me or suffer in a way that only exists for those who are inauthentic to themselves.

 

I will never stop being a mystic; in fact, mysticism is the heart of Christianity, is Christianity, and the real issue is that this basic reality has been forgotten.

 

The things I would not do for myself, I can do for Christ; I may never completely fall in love with the Lord as my Lover, except by His own grace, but we’re certainly like good friends now.

 

I realized something the other day, too; trying to categorize each religion by chakra is a silly thing to do, especially when we get to Christianity; Christianity uses ALL the chakras, though it’s true that the focus on the chakra system is almost non-existent. Most especially the heart and stomach chakras are used, as well as the throat chakra (what with the emphasis on singing, chanting, and praying.)

This sense of completion I have is, of course, a smaller completion compared to the larger completion that must take place in life. Perhaps the reality is that we are always the smaller mystery and Christ the larger mystery, and we can never fully enter into Him as we should.

 

But what I really mean to say is that, no matter how complete I am at this moment, there is still something greater to be completed, something greater to be done.

 

Yet the gratitude that’s pouring forth from me now is amazing; it’s happening mostly from an unconscious level, so I’m barely aware that anything’s going on, but it is, it IS going on!

 

Whether or not I should write about this in particular, I’m not sure, but recently, I acquired St. Augustine’s Prayerbook. In the prayerbook is a Novena to the Holy Spirit- and I plan to undertake the Novena just prior to Confirmation. This seems like an appropriate devotion to do before receiving the Holy Spirit.

 

Methinks what’s happening now is that the actual grace of the Holy Eucharist is reactivating the sanctifying grace of Holy Baptism that I received when I was younger- and perhaps my own religious devotions come largely because I DID receive Baptism and was sensitive enough to it, devoted enough to God, that God worked through all the heresy and blasphemy of the church and school I attended.

I pray that God would deliver us all into unity with Him.

 

Amen, and Amen.

 

Beaux

 

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