Modern Gnostic Practices with Gnostic NYC

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A video from a group of Gnostics of different sects who discuss various mystical practices. They’re actually considering doing a weekly video, so I’m quite excited!

In Christ,


More about Veils, the Body, and Reality

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I may get letters for this entry, too, but I’m posting it anyway.

It’s quite possible that, during the course of humanity, we’ve developed completely wrong mental “maps” of how things work.

That’s okay, though.

This is the way I am currently conceiving of things, and I have to explain it in such a way as is in accordance with my own experience. Some of the terminology came while in the process of Contemplative Prayer, and I’ll have to work to adjust it accordingly; please try to bear with me.

Continuing on with my concept of “veils” that I posted yesterday, today, while contemplating (or meditating), I had the sense that reality is structured in this way: our own sense of self or ego works as a veil that keeps us separated from the world around us but also from the true nature of our body.

The true nature of our body and the true nature of reality are both occluded.

But then our body, too, is a kind of veil, veiling us from what I call our Big Body. Now, of course, the issue that I can’t explain here is how one knows that one has a body larger than one at this time, yet in the contemplative prayer, I could very well see it. This may be the very “spiritual body” mentioned in Christianity.

The Big Body, then, is the veil between us and the Body of Christ, and Christ is the veil between our Big Body and the Father.

Now, I should point out a few things; I am indeed suggesting that we have no spirit or soul that “pops out” when we die. But I am not suggesting that we therefore have no continuity after the apparent death of our body; rather, I am stating that the death of our body is the falling away of a veil to reveal something even more real.

The big issue that arises at this point comes up to the notion of various supernatural entities and spirits and so forth, and how they could possibly exist. I am not suggesting non-corporeal entities don’t exist, either; I’m simply saying, humans are not that kind of entity or creature. We’re something eternal and substantial.

But then, I could be wrong about all this. Something about it seems so unique, so right, so fresh, that I can’t help but be excited that I’ve somewhat haphazardly stumbled upon this little gem.

The experience of the “Big Body” as I’m temporarily calling it is an experience of absolute confidence and absolute security. One is HELD, one is KEPT, one is CONTENT, and one may also be said to be FREE.

Perhaps the “Big Body” experience is what is meant by the “Higher Self.” But this doesn’t feel like ethereal or wispy, and maybe it all comes around to my sense of being mistaken about what others have meant by “Higher Self” all this time.

It’s quite possible I’m the one who got it all wrong and now am seeing what was really meant.

More later.


A Reflection on the Holy Eucharist and the True Nature of Matter

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Dear God, I hope this isn’t too explosive to post or write, and I hope someone reads it and understands where I’m coming from.

The universe itself, indeed, the true nature of matter, is the very Body of Christ. What happens at the Mass is an “unveiling,” simultaneously in the Eucharist and in the participants themselves, of the true nature of material reality, which the typical consciousness of humanity cannot perceive directly. Each human is, prior to their own uniqueness, existent as the Imago Dei.


To receive Christ in the Holy Eucharist, then, is to be drawn into and united with the Mystery of the Holy Trinity. By revealing that our bodies are in fact consonant and derived from the Body of Christ, and to be lifted back from our fallen state into this Truth is one of the aims of the Mass.


The veil is torn, albeit for a temporary time, the same veil that divides the Imago Dei from the Body of Christ; the Holy Eucharist serves to tear the veil time and again, and with consistent practice on the part of the Faithful, the veil is eventually totally destroyed, at least in some instances.


After the veil has permanently been torn within an individual to reveal that the Imago Dei and the Body of Christ are synonymous in substance (though not ontologically the same), the Eucharist becomes an ever-living dialogue, the manifested, loving relationship of the Holy Trinity. This revelation does not, however, exhaust the Mystery of the Eucharist, for the Mystery of the Eucharist cannot be exhausted, its very nature being Divine.


The Communion of Saints is a reference to those who have fully been drawn into or participate fully in the Second Person of the Trinity, those both living and dead, without boundaries of Creed or any other such element of Identity or Division.


The God-Man Jesus Chrsit is a human Incarnation of the Divine Logos,the true, underlying, cosmic Principle and Nature. But in this context, “Principle” should not be understood as merely an abstraction conducive for the sake of human understanding; rather, the God-Man Jesus Christ is substantially a perfect human image of a vital and fundamental Reality beyond the normal human understanding of “Being.”

The argument against panentheism which would normally arise at this point is the result of a few mistake notions; first, the conceptual separation between God and Creation, and second, the notion that particulars in Nature in and of themselves are Divine without their greater participation in the underlying Christ. Creation is not a process that occurred once and now remains static; rather, Creation is an ever-continuous process rooted in the Body of Christ that unfolds; Creation is a Bodily Process of God, if you will.


A further explanation of the issue of panentheism is the honoring of Nature as Divine is really a product of the separated or fallen human consciousness as opposed to the Imago Dei’s experience of the Body of Christ. The process is an exercise in separation rather than a Fountain of Life-Giving Unity. The exception to this lies in the person who experiences his unity with Nature on the level of the Imago Dei, regardless of his particular set of terminology.


These are some rather undeveloped thoughts that I jotted down today and relate to a particular experience with the Christ-as-Earth-Father archetype I had recently. More later.



On Being One’s Individual Self, More on Bernadette Roberts, and Various Rantings

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Instead of engaging in Contemplative Prayer (which is what I should be doing), I am instead writing a bit about an insight I had earlier.


To counterbalance this grand insight, I ended up cutting myself shaving. I do think this is the whole paradox of reality- we recognize some powerful and great Truth which is then curbed by the distressing and often annoying realities of common life.


Unfortunately, I do spend too much time reading theology online, along with forums and people’s opinions on various matters of religion. I’ve done so less and less as time as progressed, rightly curbing such an atrocious habit, but it does possess me here and again.


Naturally, with my Jungian and mystical leanings to things, I do take it upon myself to Google Jung and Catholicism.


Some article or another popped up one day that, of course, was blasting Jung and the “liberalism” of certain Catholics who seem to think the goal of the Tradition is just to find the “Authentic Self” and apply this to the idea that the universal quest of all religion is to find the “Authentic Self,” and there ends the quest.


This is partially correct. However, the issue that many mystics seem to be pressing, and the issue that I discovered when I was age 15, is that there is a point where one transcends the Higher/Authentic Self.


The notion that there may be something beyond the Higher Self, or that the Higher Self could even be lost, is troubling and perplexing to many people who don’t understand how we could exist without it. However, there are some technicalities in the context of philosophical and theological definitions as to what the “soul” of a human being is, such that the soul includes body and mind.


Anyway, some of the issues I’ve seen recently are people’s attacking Bernadette Roberts and her particular way of viewing things. They seem to gloss over some points that she makes that are very important while dissecting her with all manner of philosophical attacks that they can, and the whole bit irritates me. I finally gave up reading that particular forum after I made it to the 8th or so page out of 18 pages of Walls of Text Coming After Me.


Given, I did find some of the philosophical points people were making interesting, but I think I can summarize in a better way what Bernadette is attempting to convey:


Instead of our having a ghost or inner spirit that pops out when we die, we have an aspect of the body that is immortal, an aspect of the body that our senses don’t normally inform us about. The Holy Eucharist, then, explains this: the bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Christ while the Body and Blood don’t seemingly appear.


Now, this concept appeals to me, the idea of an immortal, unseen Body, because to me, it seems NOVEL. Christianity has a huge focus on the Incarnation, on physicality, and on the Sacraments being real and true and actual effective means of our receiving God.


I’m also not suggesting that this particular way of perceiving things should be accepted as dogma. Rather, one should test this and find out for one’s self by making the mystic’s journey, pure and simple.


There’s a bit of contradiction when it comes to people who perceive the Deceased and communicate with entities on the “other side,” along with comparisons of various Near Death Experiences. One wonders how these things possibly happen if it’s possible that we don’t have a thinking/feeling being that persists after the death of the body.


Anyway, moving on to the Insight I had earlier and referring back to the Authentic Self: as I’ve said, there’s been a new shift in my focus to try to stimulate the Third Chakra and to try to really have a sense of liking myself and who I am. The Bishop said something interesting to me prior to my Confirmation in that we have to be the person God created us to be. The problem is that this is variously understood to mean something along the lines of following a particular set of rules, but then in Catholic Christianity, the feel of it, too, is different. There is a specific measure in God’s plan that I can and should fulfill, and I have to embrace my individuality to the maximum.


Again, the irony that exists in trying to destroy a sense of identity and how that perpetuated my sense of self and then the embracing of a particular identity seems to erode the ego in a way I can’t precisely explain.


My concern has been that seeking my True Self or Ego Center might displace God. In fact, the opposite reality is what I’ve discovered: being one’s true self, finding one’s center, and living out that center, is in and of itself an act of worship. To be what God has created one to be IS a prayer, IS worship, and I’m satisfied with that.


I’ve heard the bit before about searching for God and finding one’s self or searching for one’s and finding God, which I think kind of illustrates this principle. I go searching for myself, and then I find myself in the Presence of God.


My heart chakra also seems to be able to open more freely now that I’ve been more wont to embrace the stomach chakra.


Another interesting thing, too, is that I’m able to enjoy my own being, my own company, and have a sense of appreciation for myself. A few times, I’ve finally felt like an adult somewhere, like there was a Bigger Me somewhere that understood things and could do things that I can’t normally do. I compare this to my finally feeling less like a child and more like a teenager; suddenly things that frightened me were more like an adventure of sorts, a fresh start, a new change that I could experience.


But that particular mode of being is something that requires such tremendous focus that I hope it becomes a force of habit after a while. I might well give up if I don’t get a second wind sometime soon, as it’s pretty difficult on the one hand.


Pax Vobiscum.




Post Confirmation and Some Ramblings

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I think the time’s finally arrived where I should be attempting to live my life from the Black Fire Center or Third Chakra or whatever the hell part of me was activated when I was around 11 or 12.


To this day, I’ve still not totally figured out what this feeling/sense/perception is or means. I can connect a few of the dots, as it implicates a kind of golden era or a part of me that actually appreciates myself or likes myself and feels accepted by other people.


It is a strange situation, indeed, that I would live my life in such a way or have the kind of conditioning and personality where my own image of myself is determined almost exclusively by how other people see me. I think the big issue I have is that other people rarely, if ever, see me the way I see myself, and instead they act like I’m some kind of monkey putting on a show for them. That other people can’t recognize me for what I am is one issue, and that other people make a mockery of the image of me they create for themselves is a continuity of that issue, and that I actually care that they’re mocking that image of me is another issue still.


But this point of liking myself seems to coincide with the concept of “being the person God has created me to be.” The problem is that this phrase is usually used in a quasi-moralistic way of following rules and doing things the way some self-styled religious authority would have you behave, which is often enough to cause one to focus on one’s self and to be distracted from his corruption.


The other issue that is that living from the Black Fire area and keeping my awareness on it is incredibly difficult, and I can’t be sure that I’m not falsifying things. It takes a tremendous focus, and so it’s difficult to activate when I’m out in public or interacting with other people- the very time that it would actually be most useful.


Christ is connected to the Black Fire, and I *have* made efforts to pray and keep my mind on the Black Fire. I have all too often the issue of referring to God the Father and having the Old Man image come up- certainly an act of mental idolatry I would like to smash to pieces, so focusing on the Black Fire gives a greater sense of immediacy of God the Father as well.


Last Monday, I went to the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. For the first time, I felt like I was in a Catholic Church and not envying it or wanting to be a part of it because I felt that I WAS a part of it- whether or not the Church as an entity would recognize that I should be receiving Holy Communion there. I still do wish that the Episcopal Church would have a higher regard for Eucharistic Adoration and Marian piety and contemplative prayer, but then I suppose there’s a reason so few of us are called to the really mystical aspects of the Tradition.


Now that I’m officially Confirmed, I can go around, wearing the badge of being an Anglo-Catholic Episcopalian. Embracing my identity as an Anglo-Catholic ironically causes me to have fewer fits with the sense of identity or determining who or what I am; by embracing the process of identification, I decreased the power of the ego over me. That’s weird how that works.


I think that, in some ways, I may have been mistaken about the concept of “belonging” and such and having a group affiliation. Those of who are so intellectually inclined sometimes think the notion of a “group” and “membership” is somehow an abstraction only, that it’s a term or expression we use, but there’s something very REAL about being in a group, about being a part of something- especially something such as the Mystical Body of Christ.


I know that I belong to the Mystical Body of Christ whether I congregate with the people at the Church or not; I belong to Christ, and this is more than simply an abstraction to say I’ve adopted certain patterns or actions or symbols in my life; there is a literal and substantial connection somewhere, and that’s the most interesting and crucial element.


Okay, I’m tired of writing.