Over a year ago, I first walked through the doors into St. Michael’s Episcopal Church to a loving congregation. I found myself attracted to the tradition and openness of the church members while frustrated with various aspects of the liturgy that I felt weren’t traditional enough or simply didn’t understand. 

Tonight, a year later, I have a certain kind of measurement between last year and this year, and a certain deepening of mystical consciousness that has changed at least since last year. To be honest, this year, I’ve only received Holy Communion once, and this was my second time. 

Thank God.

The drive to St. Michael’s filled my heart with longing, and as I was there, during the simplified version of the Mass, I felt the energy rise higher and higher, even to the point where the headache I’ve had for two days disappeared. 

Yes, it was gone, at least for a little while.

The drive back felt akin to how one feels after finding one’s lover, after the sexual experience, and I couldn’t help but think back to the Sufi teachings about God as the Beloved and how Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee established that, essentially, the Gnosticism of Christianity became absorbed into Islam as the Sufi teachings…and of course, the story is probably infinitely more complex than that, but it’s a simple bird’s eye view of things.

So, the Holy Eucharist, then, has an effect on me, whether or not I’ve realized it all this time. Mystical consciousness progresses for some more quickly than others, and perhaps I’m on the slow track after all; if so, I’m fine with that. 

What remains to be seen is if Christ has chosen me as one of His own to be taken permanently into His Mystical Body, never to be separated from the Beloved. In life and in death, I belong entirely to Him.