I had to further investigate into the Actual Freedom matter.

My investigation brought forth some of the worst information I could possibly find about any group of people.

While the method itself seems valuable, the “culture” surrounding the whole matter seems dubious at best. 

The more I researched, the more stressed I became in some regards.

But at the same time, I ended up shedding layers of myself and had to be (brutally) honest with myself- including my pursuit of Christianity and so on.

The reality is that there is a whole host of things associated with Christianity that I find dubious in a similar way, and frankly, I seemed to waste more energy trying to defend what’s good in Christianity (hint: it isn’t a whole hell of a lot) and affirm that I agree with everyone about the bad parts of Christianity.

So, point-blank, I’m now “lost” in a very real sense; it isn’t that I’m no longer Christian or that I’m not an actualist or whatever, it’s…well, it’s that everywhere I turn to find out what life is all about, some kind of problem arises and destroys any chance of that.

But I HAVE come away knowing what to do: I now know how to proceed on the “mystical” path, as it were, and the answer’s been within me all along. There are more than enough reference points online for me to use, and so, here I go. I’m lost, yet I’m not forever lost- I will find my way out of this and make sense of things.