The past few days have been frustrating for me.

Especially today.

I awoke around 10 AM and got up to let the dogs out, and what did I encounter but a huge, steamy pile of doggie diarrhea. Okay, no biggie- but I haven’t had to clean up after my dogs in a while because they’re so well potty-trained at this point.

Well, actually, it is a big deal- I’m not a fan of touching poo, even when I’m not directly touching it.

So I cleaned up the mess, let the dogs out, and went about my business.

I informed my husband of the situation, and then he, oddly, asked me to go to the doctor’s office with him. I knew better than to do because I knew what would happen- I would go, and the dog, whichever one of them it was, would have diarrhea AGAIN.

And that’s exactly what happened- even though I let them out before we went to the doctor, two hours later upon our return, there’s an even bigger diarrhea-y mess.

So I lost my fucking temper. I finally screamed and said I wished the fucking dogs would die. Anger took control of me because the stress was increasingly mounting, and my husband, while willing to clean up after the dogs, doesn’t get that you can’t just pick up shit and throw it away, that you have to wash the floor AND sterilize the fuck out of it.

And no amount of explanation will get this through to him.

Later, I calmed down, watching Game of Thrones, and then I went to do my ancestor ritual and meditation.

And guess what?

I walked into the living room, and there was more doggie diarrhea, and blood in it.

So I just did what I had to do, informed my husband that the dogs would have to go to the vet, and did my cleaning. And then that stopped up the toilet, and the plunger was no avail…

I guess I’m suffering for some karma from a past life. This past weekend was horrible with headaches, and today’s been more stressful than I care for. January wasn’t like this- it was new beginnings, new travels, new places, and the world seemed to be full of light and things seem to be great.

For all the messing with mysticism and Actual Freedom and so on that I’ve had, I’ll tell you what: it seems like it’s done very little to help when it ACTUALLY MATTERS.

I want to be happy; when the stress mounts in the way it does, it’s very difficult to get to happiness.

Because you see, the unpleasantness in situations isn’t something that is just there for a second and then gone- cheap things that make us unhappy can no doubt be remedied if that’s the situation.

In this case, the unpleasantness is something that is not only there but also begins to remind us that it’s there for ten minutes or so (the duration it takes to successfully clean up a doggie mess complete with sterilization and so on).

I don’t know, I think I react very strongly to things, much more strongly than other people react. My husband seemed to think the dogs pooing everywhere was a big joke and thought it was funny, and I’m sitting here horrified.

None of it seems very spiritual, you see- not my reaction, not the situation, and not anything in between. I don’t want to react in that kind of anger. I don’t want to have that kind of stress over something as mundane as a dog shitting.

But I do, and I can’t seem to stop it, even with a great deal of self-awareness. Trying to stop the anger feels akin to trying to bottle it up, and that’s also no good.