Black Fire, Being, and the Sufi Love

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Bhai Sahib said something intriguing in Daughter of Fire about first encountering pure being, then entering in the currents of love and bliss in Dhyana. So that makes me wonder, then, if the Black Fire precedes the Sufi love. If that is the case, then I’ve been in training for longer than I realized, and now I get that I have to see the Black Fire with every last ounce of my life, mind, and body. All the energy must go into it until it reveals whatever mysteries it holds.

Then we’ll see what happens. This is yet another new mission.

Beaux


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PCE? Nirvana? Enlightenment? Moksha? Liberation? Freedom?

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How the experience began, I won’t bring myself to say just now, but we’re going to be discussing a few different things that happened, starting last night.

 

First, I phoned my friend Rheana; we had discussed hanging out and doing spiritual work, but she was rather tired and couldn’t. She mentioned a certain meditation involving the Heart Chakra called the Twin Hearts meditation, which involves visualizing the Earth in your hands and sending love from the Heart Chakra into the Earth, covering everything with love and giving love to every being in the world.

 

I took it upon myself to do this meditation later in the evening, and then, I tried to go to sleep.

 

That’s when the vibrations began.

 

If you’ve read Daughter of Fire by Irina Tweedie, she talks of these vibrations coming at night quite frequently.

 

Necessarily, the energy was coming from the Root Chakra and the Sex Chakra- largely where the kundalini is stored.

 

The energy created all kinds of wonderful feelings of bliss and happiness, of pure infinitude and purity and love and goodness. The intensity was such that it was exhausting the ego, and I must say that I do like this method of destroying the ego with too much happiness more than destroying he ego with too much suffering.

 

My dreams were not as pleasant, which was a surprise. A few different issues came up, most of which I was able to confront when I awoke, but not totally.

 

Then when I awoke today, I was getting ready for work, had gone to the kitchen, and the Grace of God HIT, just in a moment. One second it wasn’t there, and the next second it was, and good grief, it just got better and better and better and I felt happier and happier and happier. The bottom two chakras again seemed to “loosen up,” and the energy moved up to my head.

 

What exactly was going on there, I can’t explain. Reality seemed okay on every front. I think the Higher Self may have disappeared temporarily in addition to the Ego.  Maybe this is the PCE of which the Actual Freedomists speak. However, I noted that I didn’t come to the same conclusions as other people who claim the state of No-Self, but then again, I wasn’t in it for longer than half an hour.

 

One thing that I did notice was that there’s a sense of friendliness with the universe. To put it bluntly, the experience was like being best friends with every atom in the universe. There was no loneliness or isolation or low self-esteem; everything was as it should be, and life was great. My energy or matter was in harmony with all energy and matter.

 

Another aspect of the experience was the relaxation, the calmness. No tension in the body, no stress, no unpleasantness, no sense burden of Self. Very, very intriguing.

 

I wish that experience would happen again. I’ve waited and waited for the wonderful, clear world to return. It’s just all-around GOOD.

 

Beaux

 

Advantage: God is in the Pain

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So, as things have come to what they have come, I have to remember continually to surrender myself to Christ, and yet this is a terrible, terrible thing to have to do.

It is said that before doing so, surrender is the most difficult thing, and after doing so, surrender is the easiest thing.

I suppose I have not surrendered.

The Rock is still there, despite all the pain that has happened recently. I wonder, and I wonder more, and I still wait for the real meaning of things to become clear. Often this can only happen in retrospect, and I do wonder at times how many tears one must cry before one is exhausted.

Bhai Sahib said that the ego cannot go through laughter and caresses; it must be chased with sorrow and drowned with tears.

Perhaps the greatest strength I have is found in the weakness of my sensitivity. Because I am so sensitive, because I live my life in a raw fashion, because it does not take much to hurt me, it does not take much to break me down, it means things that are not hardly perilous to a normal person can be used by God to destroy and grind down my ego. Things that would not phase someone with a stronger personality crush and distort and bend me all around.

Thank God for it. Thank God that my suffering, while tremendous, is not the suffering that some have endured in their lifetimes. This is peanuts compared to what some go through, and that, I think is the ultimate saving grace in it all.

For many mystics, there is not as much suffering, but whatever the reality of the path that I have chosen is, I know that it will and does and has involved suffering; that is obvious, and it is obvious that the suffering is conducive to my progress.

But as I have heard, once the ego goes, there is no trace of it any more- no trace of the entity that suffered all things. One does not sit and remember those things as they were- it could no longer hurt you when you get to that stage, so let us hope, let us hope that this is the final nail in the coffin, and that the ego can no longer dominate.

God is in the pain. Somehow, somewhere, God wants this, and I’ll take it, and I’ll offer it back to Him. God is in the pain.

Beaux