Belated Updates

2 Comments

So much to say, so little time. So many thoughts that I’ve not been sharing.

Several days ago, I made an “executive decision” to create a kind of religious retreat for myself. This retreat requires a few simple things, the main thing being to try to get me to meditate more each day. I will say for the past few days, I’ve chanted much earlier than usual, so that’s something.

For a month or so, I plan to simply keep to myself and not go out more than the few scheduled times I set up. Friday is typically going to be my outing. Around the end of September, I’ll lift the self-imposed cloister, and I’ll return to daily life in whatever way.

My main issue is having avoided meditation so much. It isn’t that I haven’t meditated; it’s that meditation has ended up coming at the very end of the day and only for a few minutes at that, and I can’t put myself in that position. Meditation, like prayer, affects one even if one isn’t meditating or praying.

I don’t know if I’ve spoken about “spiritual delay” yet, but spirituality is not like fast food. Mysticism is not McMysticism; you cannot meditate and expect things to just magically be okay 10 minutes later. That’s just NOT how it works. Yes, you will eventually see the results, but for whatever reason, they’re delayed, and it’s a difficult thing to explain how and why this happens.

Prayer today may result in a sudden descent of God’s Grace three days later, abruptly. Visualizing something intently today may result in its appearing two weeks later when I don’t care to have it anymore. Maybe that’s a method of God teaching us a lesson or something.

My organized prayers have fallen through again, too, but the good news is that all the problems I had trying to reconcile various religious traditions with one another have essentially fallen through as I’ve gone to a deeper level in understanding them. That’s how I end up using Hindu chants and praying to the Sacred Heart of Jesus all at the same time; Gnostics are allowed to do this, you see, as these things facilitate gnosis and bring us closer to God. That’s what matters.

I spoke with Erik the other night about Gnostic views of the Holy Eucharist, and of course, the Gnostic views of the change in the bread and wine parallel those of the Anglicans in some ways- the acknowledgement of a spiritual change, though the spiritual change is a complete and utter change; the bread and wine DO completely change, but naturally, it is ultimately a mystery we cannot explain.

We also pointed out something very interesting as well- Lutherans don’t seem to often acknowledge any kind of change in the bread and wine. Communion is simply a blessing of bread and wine, not the actual sacramental union or whatever Lutheran terminology is supposed to be. The technicality may be consubstantiation, but this often seems to be unknown to Lutherans.

By contrast, Episcopalians will not be happy if you tell them the bread and wine aren’t really┬áthe Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of the Lord Jesus Christ. You’re not going to sell Anglo-Catholics and your garden variety High Church Episcopalians on the “Hey, it’s just a symbol, folks!” ilk; it’s just not going to happen.

While I’m sure there are Episcopalians who don’t acknowledge the Real Presence, they’re most likely in the minority.

And at this point, I understand this entry isn’t helping anyone, so I’m just going to stop here.

Anyway, I’m having to incorporate a HUGE amount of what I know about mysticism and spirituality and really jump in and start using it. I find a lot of times that whatever I do or say or practice seems to work for a while, then it begins to stop working or seems less effective; maybe I’m just craving novelty? I’m not totally sure what the issue is here. But lately, I’ve really begun to understand how things work, and I’m going from that level.

More later. I’ll try to update more frequently, especially now that I’ll have more free time.

Beaux

Advertisements

Chakra Diary Update

1 Comment

The chakra bootcamp idea failed as soon as I discovered that the other chakra meditation videos upon which I happened were not also 10 minutes in length. They’re each between three and four minutes, and this honestly caused a problem for me.

So far, I’ve made it up to meditating with the solar plexus and have had decent results with the meditations. These past several days, I’ve felt more energetic, more stable, happier, more creative, and more productive.

On the flip side of things, it’s apparent that a number of Shadow tendencies have appeared, mainly in my dreams. I seem to experience a great deal of anger and hatred that I don’t normally see in my waking life. Bhai Sahib once said that many of our karmas are purged in our dreams.

The oddest thing to me is that, for once, I am happy to awaken and be up in the day. My days are pleasurable, my days are peaceful, happy, but my dreams bring all kinds of terrifying realities to them. For once in my life, I have come to a point where I’ve been able to accept more fully my ego-personality, a point where I’ve been able to actually like myself and create myself and, in the words of my friend Michele, experience “becoming” instead of just simply being whatever. There is a definite hand of the inner energy into creating this new person, and though I may fall shy of some of the goals I have, I think ultimately I can only improve. Thank God for it.

Chanting is something I also do frequently these days; my japa mala has come in incredible handy at this point. I do a few different chants each day, for different purposes- some are more geared towards self-empowerment, while others are geared towards compassionate help to others.

I keep wondering if the sexual energy is being transformed at all, and I should hope so.

The Grace of God has been with us today, but not as strongly as before. If I pay attention, I can just barely sense that the peace is running like a deep, deep stream in the earth, but it isn’t readily available or the most apparent feature of my experience. We’ll see what happens, what’s going to happen. I can’t wait.

Beaux