Some on Sophia

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A week or two ago, I had another profound thought about religion, spirituality, and mysticism, which is this: while I can verify that certain maps of Theravada Buddhism matches my own experience, I’m also aware that various kinds of other doctrine within the Theravada tradition are outside of my interest or cultural background.

And the only Reality to which I can attest, the only “Deity” or whatnot that goes beyond conjecture, that I can state is consistent and clear in my mind and in my life for the past ten years is Our Lady Sophia.

The path became so incredibly simple when I decided to direct my full attention toward Sophia. She is not unknown in other Traditions; She is called Other Names, and that’s fine.

That Sophia is a Given to me, that I KNOW through direct experience (gnosis?) that She Is, begins the theological quest and framework for me.

I can therefore reason out that Christ, or the Logos, is the Masculine/Active Expression of Sophia, and that they’re BOTH expressions of a Yet Further Absolute Reality.

I’ve been praying lately, to Sophia, and blessing my home, in the Name of Sophia, and I feel better and more myself than I have in AGES.

So now I have to carry this to the end and unite with the Absolute.

Steve

More Dreams

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Last night, I had a dream I was being baptized (? maybe) and confirmed again, in some other Church.

The Gnostic Church?

It’s hard to tell.

The dream was important, though…I know that much.

My dreams lately seem more important.

Still doing rituals. Today, it was heavily Christian in nature as I specifically invoked Jesus Christ as the Lord of Nature and so on.

One thing of which I am certain this life now- there is a God of Nature, as in some kind of God or Spirit or Life Force that flows through the natural world and connects us. I can’t be sure of other things relating to spirituality- but the Nature God is definitely real.

Steve

Dreams from Last Night

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In the first dream, I was shopping and ready to check out. I saw a croissant that looked delicious, but as is the case in many dreams of mine, it cost too much- in this case, this simple pastry that was hanging on a shelf cost $17.95. I recall the number clearly. (Whoever says one cannot read in dreams has no idea what they’re talking about.)

I also wanted to look at the aisle that had stickers, but people were on the aisle and kept getting in my way.

At some point, I was watching a video while waiting in line, and then a live band began playing in the store. The band members had a “zombie” theme, and the result was that they had outfits that made it look like they were exposed body tissues and bones, and then people dressed up as zombies began to come in. I ducked and kept my eyes closed, and the people kept running by and poking me and touching me, and I screamed for them to stop.

When finally it seemed like all was over, I uncovered my eyes, and I was in a wooden room. There were only two people here besides me, two twins who looked like they were in their 20s. They had blond hair, dark eyes, large noses, and thin lips, and I was attracted to them.

But I knew they might be dangerous, so I tried to leave- I opened a door, and to my horror, the door only opened to another wooden door. I turned the knob of the new door and had fear burning in me because I knew that I was dreaming and could run into anything terrifying at this point.

The door opened this time to a small greenhouse-like area, and I quickly began to fly and burst through the glass. I “swam” in the air, and I recall seeing a huge moon in the sky as well as the rising turrets of some kind of factory.

I woke up. End Dream 1.

Dream 2:

As I fell asleep, I went in with the determination to find my Shadow and confront it. I don’t remember much of what happened here except that I was in my parents’ house, and then I remembered to find the Shadow. I went to the front porch- the first “shaded” area that I saw, and there was some kind of tree growing up from the middle of the front porch  to the its ceiling.

The tree appeared to made of stone, and I walked around it, crying aloud that I wanted the Shadow to appear, that I was here to confront it. Then I cried out for the Subconscious as well.

When I turned to face the house, growing against the wall were two women, one on the left and one of the right. I didn’t know which one to talk to, but the one on the left had darker skin, so I connected that with “Shadow.” I began asking her what to do, what the problem was, and I don’t remember getting a response. I spoke to the one on the right as well without getting much of an answer, and returned to the one on the left, who now looked different.

At some point, her face distorted, and she grabbed me and clutched me too tightly to her breast, leaving me unable to escape. But then I knew what to do- I struggled as much as I could to stand up and face her, and I inhaled her into myself- which, surprisingly, WORKED.

And after that, I woke up.

So my Shadow apparently has something to do with “the feminine” (big surprise there), and I’ve…at least somewhat incorporated her into myself. So…yeah.

Now on to figure out the Social Anxiety.

If anyone wants to help interpret the other elements, bring it.

Steve

Last Night’s Dream

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My dreams last night were interesting. I’ve been playing a video game I got for my birthday, and there’s a part of one of the worlds where huge cracks sever different parts of the land from one another. This imagery made it into my dreams.

However, in my dream, these cracks were in various places, even things like my bedroom being totally cobbled together on top of them.

There were two important things in the dream, two things that came from the gods. The first thing the gods revealed to me is that humanity abandoned them, and thus the gods turn a deaf ear to us often enough. Humans initiated this condition, not the gods.

The second, and the more important thing, is how consciousness and past lives work. I was given the information that our consciousness interacts with matter like a Möbius strip; an infinity loop, if you will.

I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it was the explanation I was given, and it seemed to come from Zeus.

Steve

Dream of Fusion

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I had a weird dream the other night.

In the dream, I was Satan, and I had been cast out of Heaven, but I made it back. I recall climbing through a house, going up stairs, ignoring the warnings of angels. I may have even fought a few.

I confronted Jesus, and He wouldn’t let me see the Father, who was in a different chamber- the innermost chamber of Heaven, which was structured like a large house. There was a definite sense that my being cast of of Heaven had been more of an injustice, a political maneuver, than anything else.

Jesus told me that if I didn’t leave on my own accord, He cast me out of Heaven again.

And so I lost my temper and tried to gore Him, which resulted in our fusing together, and I (we?) fell to Earth, to the world of everyday life.

And every person I saw looked to me like my child, and nobody knew who I was, that I was Jesus and Satan fused together. I remember seeing my friend John and his family, and looking at him, at how perfect and true he was; the truth of humans being the children of God was so very apparent in the dream.

Then I woke up, but now that I remember that dream, I see that it was important marked something from a spiritual perspective. Wow.

Steve

Dreams and Divination

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Yesterday, I considered my worldview, as I often do, and thought of my dreams and divination and so on.

Even if in the world there apparently seems to be no gods and goddess and so on that are sensible, I’m still drawn to things involving rite, ritual, and yes, divination.

For some people, they’re able to look at Tarot cards or the I Ching and immediately say, “That’s ridiculous, superstitious stuff, and I want no part of it.”

For me, I was *never* able to do that.

I could never convince myself that there was absolutely nothing to the Tarot or other methods of divination.

No, it doesn’t make sense in a kind of logical, scientific way.

However, a lack of an immediate explanation doesn’t mean that there is no explanation and that it doesn’t work at all.

Last night, I finished reading the His Dark Materials trilogy.

I think the conception of the aletheiometer was one of the best forms of divination I’ve ever seen. Gorgeous and wonderful, and I wish they were real and I could own one and use it.

Use it, I would.

I found the last book in the trilogy, The Amber Spyglass, to become tedious; the book should’ve been edited in several parts OR split into two books. It was just too long, and I didn’t have the same enthusiasm in reading it as I did with The Golden Compass and The Subtle Knife.

Last night, in my dreams, I dreamed that I had ordered an I Ching set, and also, by accident, an aletheiometer.

And later in my dreams, I was holding a guy I used to like, and he had a boyfriend, yet the guy and I were talking about how we mutually had crushes on each other, and I told him that if I were to take his boyfriend’s place, the feelings we had now would result in the same thing happening with him and another guy later on.

If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.

Make no mistake.

But the dream was a good one, if not a little odd since I’m married.

Later, the guy in question had the form of a cat, and I understood him to be my dæmon in the way Pantalaimon is Lyra’s dæmon in His Dark Materials.

When I awoke, in the subtle state between waking and sleeping, I suddenly KNEW things.

I knew that in times old, people lived closer to the dream-world, and that’s why images of gods in chariots and fires burning around them and angels and demons and such things made sense to them, because their minds were closer to the subconscious mind.

Now, in our world, we find these things odd and strange because most of us (okay, at least in the USA) live further away from the dreaming level of the mind. We like structured, conscious things that conform to our expected reality around us, and people shit unhappy easter eggs when this doesn’t happen. (The whole marriage equality debacle is a keen example- some people can’t get over the idea of the tuxedo-and-white-dress image, so they freak the fuck out.)

So, our mission, which is really the mission humanity has had from the beginning, is to bring the subconscious/unconscious mind (what I call the “dreaming mind”) into the conscious reality and to live it out.

That sounds like, “Oh, is THAT all?” type deal, yet the enormity of the whole process is incredible.

I awoke knowing that I could trust myself. The knowing may fade, but I knew that I could understand and make decisions and rely on the Dreaming Mind inside of me to make the best decisions and to not lead me astray. Perhaps this is what people mean when they refer to trusting in Jesus and so on.

The Mass understood from the Gnostic perspective at least refers to the Self and so on in a Jungian sense.

While I cannot testify that there is an objectively existing God, I can testify that there is, in fact, a Self, an unconscious level of us that’s confident and keen and to which we can turn and never have any fear.

The journey deepens, and I might have to make adjustments to my identification and so on as time goes by.

Such is the case for any mystic.

So here we go. Come, Dreaming Mind, come, and bring us what You Know.

I do wonder if the Dreaming Mind ultimately issues from matter, and not in the sense of dead material, but in the sense that perhaps the stuff of the cosmos is actually intelligent and *somehow* conscious.

Let’s see.

Stevo

Dreams

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The night before last, I had a vivid dream. I was on my way somewhere and ended up at a strange church that I realized was actually an Eastern Orthodox parish of some sort. Before I left, a ceremony took place with me and another man, a man who was certainly an Orthodox monk or priest- he had the style of beard and I’m almost certain a cap as well.

The ceremony happened this way: we stood, facing each other, in proximity, in embrace. As another priest read certain lines, we repeated them, and then we would make certain gestures. I specifically had to kiss the man on the lips at one point. 

I can’t remember much else of the dream, only this part, and that the image was so powerful that I needed to record it at some point.

Another interesting meditation upon which I’ve happened is this: I cannot love my enemies or forgive them…but if I imagine them as their infant, newborn selves, pure and undefiled, I can find myself much more easily not holding grudges or ills toward them. I can love them, show compassion to them…it’s really miraculous.

Stevo

On a Dream I Had

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On a dream I had last night.

 

Last night, I actually passed out earlier than usual for reasons unknown. Tonight, I feel a similar sleepiness.

 

This began as I turned on a program of GnosCast to listen to some of Father Troy’s commentary. I had previously listened to some of his podcasts but, as with many things, became distracted and subsequently never finished them.

 

However, for anyone who’s ever heard Father Troy Pierce’s voice, you’ll know what the peace that passeth understanding is- his voice is deep-ish and soothing, a particular kind of calm, and…then I was out like a light.

 

Anyway, I woke up periodically throughout the night, and I could hear Troy in my dreams- I distinctly remember the part about gnosis and epistemis and so on last night in one of my dreams.

 

This is how it went:

 

Friends of mine and I were in a large mansion or a cave of some sorts; we were in the basement area, which was at once a cave and also had some kind of technology or machinery built into it. I had the impression that this was a location for planning or studying.

 

Later on in the dream, I was on a floating island in the sky. I was a bird or had wings or something of the sort, and I remember there were two other people on this island, in a small but very elaborately decorated house- a strange, tall, pale woman who was cruel and ruthless and a servant who I cannot remember.

 

The woman ritually would sacrifice birds to use their blood to give herself life. I created a plan where the room she normally lived in was destroyed, causing her to have to move to another room with a door. Since she was in this other room, I was able to escape- and I remember that I had the ability to fly in the dream, and I wasn’t afraid to fly, either.

 

That’s the last clear part of the dream I can remember.

 

Anyway, I’m not certain what it all means, as there are other parts of the dream that are just pieces and I can’t really remember; I think at one point, I was at a Halloween party or something, because I remember flying on a broomstick and people being dressed up in costumes, along with banners being hung up.

 

I would imagine the birds and wings represent freedom and the pale woman representing some kind of Dark Mother aspect, but I’m not totally sure.

 

Beaux

Writing on Here

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I really, really should be letting you guys know what exactly’s been happening to me lately.

Sophia happenings in dreams and a visit with the inner gay archetype. That’s what’s going on.

So that’s going to stay here for now so that we know what’s going on with it, and perhaps later on I’ll recall and check back at the blog so as to tell everyone what’s happening.

Beaux


The Vision

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One second, I was lying in bed having random thoughts in my head about my childhood and playing video games with one of my cousins.

The transition was then abrupt, unlike anything I’ve ever encountered before. Suddenly, I was standing in what I would guess is a dream, and I knew certainly that I was in the unconscious. Vivid, real images, terrifying- I was standing in a building, on a balcony, and I looked out to the orange horizon, the crowns of skyscrapers and city building, and beyond them clouds, and a wind, a forceful, terrifying wind coming.

No ordinary wind.

The equivalent of dismay in the vision was that the world was coming to an end. I had the sense that an atomic bomb had been dropped somewhere, but also the sense that this was not exactly that. I knew in the vision that if I were to have felt the radiation, I would have hurt with all the pain a person would feel. This world was very, very real- as real as the waking world.

The images were not as stable as the waking world, but they had the same consistent theme.

The wind grew more forceful, and I put my hands up to challenge whatever was coming at me.

Then, I did the only thing, the sole, one, and only thing, that I knew to do.

I began to recite the Name of God in my heart.

Then I forced myself to say it aloud, and out came the whisper:

“Allah.”

The winds died down considerably. I knew that was the key. I could see a visible repair of things destroyed.

And I woke, repeating His Name, again and again and again.

“Allah, Allah, Allah.”

He has me. I belong to Him.

Sufis bow to no one but God.

Beaux


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