The Most Terrifying Mystical Experience I’ve Ever Had

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This morning, sometime after 4 AM, I had the single most terrifying mystical experience I’ve ever had, something I’ve never encountered for this prolonged period of time before, something that is inexplicable and that I haven’t encountered in the literature or documentation.

Something disappeared- perhaps we could say the ego, maybe we could even say the Self, though I will be the first to say that I still had a sense of emotions, so my thoughts were that the Self still existed somewhere. But something definitely ended, at least temporarily, and this was terrifying.

The boundaries between myself and the rest of reality became unclear; I may as well have been the room observing the body of Stevo walk around. Now, I want to point out, there wasn’t a sense of having been projected “out” of my body- that’s not what I mean, so don’t offer an explanation of astral projection. What I mean is that I could have been the pillow my head was on or the ceiling fan for all it mattered- the distinction, the boundary, was completely gone.

My main concern was that my body might die this way, that something might happen, and that I might be unable to survive. But I turned to God, and I said that in life and in death, I belong to Him, because that’s what mattered. Even if I were to die, I would die belonging to God.

The experience was terrifying because I had no idea where it came from- it just suddenly was as I got up to go to the bathroom, and I was astonished, or something was astonished, at what was going on.

Needless to say, this makes the mystery of what a human being is exactly even more profound, because we’re certainly more than we appear to be.

Eventually, the ego returned, and I finally went to sleep. But during the time that it was gone, I can’t totally remember what happened or what I did, except for being in bed and watching this no-ego state go on. Quite strange, if you ask me, to not know the difference between me and the bed and the room around me.

Beaux


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PCE? Nirvana? Enlightenment? Moksha? Liberation? Freedom?

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How the experience began, I won’t bring myself to say just now, but we’re going to be discussing a few different things that happened, starting last night.

 

First, I phoned my friend Rheana; we had discussed hanging out and doing spiritual work, but she was rather tired and couldn’t. She mentioned a certain meditation involving the Heart Chakra called the Twin Hearts meditation, which involves visualizing the Earth in your hands and sending love from the Heart Chakra into the Earth, covering everything with love and giving love to every being in the world.

 

I took it upon myself to do this meditation later in the evening, and then, I tried to go to sleep.

 

That’s when the vibrations began.

 

If you’ve read Daughter of Fire by Irina Tweedie, she talks of these vibrations coming at night quite frequently.

 

Necessarily, the energy was coming from the Root Chakra and the Sex Chakra- largely where the kundalini is stored.

 

The energy created all kinds of wonderful feelings of bliss and happiness, of pure infinitude and purity and love and goodness. The intensity was such that it was exhausting the ego, and I must say that I do like this method of destroying the ego with too much happiness more than destroying he ego with too much suffering.

 

My dreams were not as pleasant, which was a surprise. A few different issues came up, most of which I was able to confront when I awoke, but not totally.

 

Then when I awoke today, I was getting ready for work, had gone to the kitchen, and the Grace of God HIT, just in a moment. One second it wasn’t there, and the next second it was, and good grief, it just got better and better and better and I felt happier and happier and happier. The bottom two chakras again seemed to “loosen up,” and the energy moved up to my head.

 

What exactly was going on there, I can’t explain. Reality seemed okay on every front. I think the Higher Self may have disappeared temporarily in addition to the Ego.  Maybe this is the PCE of which the Actual Freedomists speak. However, I noted that I didn’t come to the same conclusions as other people who claim the state of No-Self, but then again, I wasn’t in it for longer than half an hour.

 

One thing that I did notice was that there’s a sense of friendliness with the universe. To put it bluntly, the experience was like being best friends with every atom in the universe. There was no loneliness or isolation or low self-esteem; everything was as it should be, and life was great. My energy or matter was in harmony with all energy and matter.

 

Another aspect of the experience was the relaxation, the calmness. No tension in the body, no stress, no unpleasantness, no sense burden of Self. Very, very intriguing.

 

I wish that experience would happen again. I’ve waited and waited for the wonderful, clear world to return. It’s just all-around GOOD.

 

Beaux