A Piece of the Puzzle

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It seems to me that every religion and spiritual path through which I’ve journeyed has inevitably carried a clue or piece of the great puzzle to overall life, and it is on this foundation that I see how my life is carried forward in the experience of the Divine.

Fundamentalist Christianity showed me first the dark side of the religion- people could easily be deluded while meaning well, people who were corrupted on one level might well be loving on another level and so on.

Paganism and Wicca showed me the virtue of ritual, symbolism, and a deep, profound love for nature and material reality- that life is something to be celebrated, that there is a cycle to everything, and that when we live in tune with the cycle, we come to a deeper harmony in ourselves. Paganism taught me that the Divine is immanent and not exclusively transcendent, and that we are capable of encountering the Divine within nature and also of using magic, of being able to cause things to happen around us without directly physically touching them with our body.

Hinduism and Buddhism taught me that reality can be broken down into philosophical abstractions, that meditation and concentrating the mind can lead to a deeper clarity of things, that insight can come from a direct experience and not simply from blind belief.

Various schools of philosophy, notably Existentialism, taught me again about the wonder of reality, but from an intellectual angle as opposed to a feeling angle (which is likely more of the Pagan influence.) I have been able to greater accept my own existence, my personality, and a search for a place in the world and how everything fits together in intellectual terms.

Sufism brought back to me the Love of God, the ease and simplicity of spirituality, how things need not be complicated and that an elaborate ritual is not necessary for everything. Sufism brought me to the true art of Zen “being in the moment,” and Sufism taught me to honor Beauty, Love, and Truth as a Holy Trinity.

Finally, Gnosticism and Catholicism have taught me again that the truth of everything can be found in Christianity, in my own backyard, in my own garden, right in front of me. The symbols, memes, and meanings inherent in Christianity that are beyond the grasp of the established orthodoxy are understood by the enlightened man. Everything makes sense now; everything lines up in a way that it did not before.

I do wonder sometimes if I’m forcing a paradigm of reality that isn’t actually real, but here again, that is the difference between the Finger and the Moon at which the Finger points. What many people fail to realize is one still needs the Finger to find the Moon in the first place- I think many people miss that part. There is a time for practices and prayers, and there is a time when they are no longer necessary.

But the question is this: is my consistent pursuit through a specific tradition a force-fitting of reality into a paradigm that isn’t necessary, or is the reflection of an honest and heart-felt seeking? The truth is that sometimes, I simply don’t have the same regards for Christianity. I already understand it all in mystical terms and in archetypal terms, and thus I am likely outside the realm of mainstream Christians; I’m not opposed to that fact, in all reality, I’m not one to want to be lumped in with the nutters of any religion.

I could write more, but I think I have spoken enough for tonight.

Beaux


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Fast Track

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Maybe God put me on the fast track to Him.

One thing after the next, but it must be offered up to God, again and again and again, until there is nothing left to offer.
There is pain, but the pain isn’t something I understand. There is disappointment, but there is a tired and great stillness below it all.
What is it that I want?
My confusion is great about what should happen. I seem to automatically be yielding to God, not knowing what it is that God wants for me and from me in my suffering, but I offer it to Him anyway. Perhaps it is merely ego that assumes that the suffering will somehow enlighten me, that somehow there’s something good to come of it, but why else would there be such suffering?
The nature of the Absolute is mysterious. The nature of the suffering is mysterious. Everything seems to be a great void in this moment, but there is pain, too- emotional hardship that others wouldn’t necessarily grasp.
On another level, I feel that it’s difficult to keep holding on. There’s not much more of me to go. There’s not much more of an ego that can be here, is there? I can’t imagine that there is. I can’t imagine that there’s much left to suffer, to be miserable, to hurt.
After I finish reading Bernadette Roberts, it’s own to the Dark Night of the Soul.
I pray that I know the right thing to do. I pray for love, love of God and love of fellow man.
Red State Mystic: I haven’t forgotten the blog about grace and taking things, I promise you. What’s happening now necessarily ties in.
Beaux